Alfie

This movie just makes me want to … break into song, like a movie musical! Pretend I’m Howard Keel. First a song to the writer/director, Charles Shyer, and then to the star, Jude Law. Ahem … do re mi fa sol la ti do! Mi mi mi mi mi mi …

♪♫♪♪♫♫♫♪♫

What’s the fuckin’ point, Charlie?

Is it just for the money you shoot?

What’s this film about when you sort it out, Charlie?

Are we really meant to cry or hoot?

Or are we meant to be amused?

You re-made Father of the Bride, Charlie,

And Father of the Bride, the Clone.

Then The Parent Trap, what a piece of crap, Charlie,

Why can’t you leave well enough alone?

I believe in art, Charlie.

Without good art we just exist, Charlie.

And this lame movie left me pissed, Charlie!

Sooooooooooooooo ……..

♪♫♪♪♫♫♫♪♫ (musical segue … )

Hey, Jude, you make me sad,

Take a great flick and make it lesser.

Remember, you’re just a pretty-boy face,

And Michael Caine made it better.

Hey, Jude, your new film sucks,

You’re not cut out to make Alfie better.

Did you bother to take a look at the script?

Or did you merely read a letter?

And if you dare do this again, hey, Jude, refrain,

Don’t act in a film because you need work.

Well don’t you know that it’s not cool to play the fool,

Your acting in this makes you a real jerk!

Na, na, na, na-na-na-naaaah! Never again! Hey, Jude!

No, no, no, no-no-no-noooo! Never again! Hey, Jude!