Annie

Every now and then there is a movie idea so stupid it should have been aborted in the womb. Hey, let’s remake that musical about the little girl with the empty eyes and the one red dress. Let’s update it to the 21st century, and let’s have Annie be black. (Not a bad idea in itself, but there’s more!) Let’s change Daddy Warbucks to a cell phone mogul named Will Stacks. Let’s re-write the music to a hip-hop beat. And let’s pick a sweet little girl, Queven …, Qwuevanzh …, Quzehen …, hell, let’s just call her Q. Wallis, okay? Now, I adored her in Beasts of the Southern Wild, but she shows no vocal talent at all here. I could list a dozen other ways this turkey went disastrously wrong, and I only watched the first half hour or so. Avoid this one at all costs.