Image copyright © by Marcus Trahan

Red Dawn


Here’s one I watched when I was in the hospital recently, because the choices were pretty bad. And the movie is pretty bad. North Korea (North Korea!) has launched a takeover of the American West Coast. Why doesn’t the US Army, Marines, Navy, and Air Force move in and kick some Korean butt all the way back over the Pacific, and then clean out that pesthole known as North Korea? Some bullshit about a killer computer program that has disabled all the infrastructure throughout America. So it falls to a group of high school students, basically the football team, to mount a guerilla action against the fucking chinks. It’s a remake of the film by one of Hollywood’s real gun lovers, John Milius, and if any film begged not to be remade, this is the one. I only saw the first ten minutes of the first one, and here’s how subtle it is: There’s a shot of a car with a bumper sticker reading something about taking my gun “From My Cold Dead Hand!” And we pan to the ground, where a dead American patriot has a gun in his hand, and the fucking Commie rat who killed him … well, you get the picture. This movie, and the original, is so fucking stupid it can actually lower your I.Q. if you pay too much attention to it. Luckily, I was under the influence of some bitchin’ drugs at the time, and most of it just slid right over me.