Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice
No, we haven’t fallen into a space-time warp into the Bizarro world. This movie won’t be out until March of 2016, and I am writing this on October 5, 2015. What I’ve seen is the three-minute trailer, before settling down to watch a real science fiction film, that is, The Martian. Do you think it’s unfair to review a film on the basis of a trailer? Well, that’s up to you. Me, I feel it makes perfect sense, since I will never see this movie because I have sworn off all movies with idiots in spandex. And … because I was bored. To. Tears. Can a three-minute trailer put one to sleep? This one came close.
In a way, I feel like we all have fallen into the Bizarro universe. When did it come to pass that the tastes of thirteen-year-old pimple-faced fanboys came to dominate the market for action pictures? Even more Bizarro, when did adult reviewers who ought to know better start reviewing them well? It’s been that way for a long time now, with no end in sight. The Marvel universe already has no less than ten superhero movies in the pipeline. What I want to know is, who the fuck cares? It is an axiom of storytelling that when no one can get badly hurt and anything is possible, nothing is interesting. These movies are nothing but a string of fistfights between invulnerable heroes. Lots of buildings get knocked down, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of innocent people die. And ho-hum. The special effects are awesome. Ho-hum. The dialogue is puerile, could have been written by a robot program. Ho-fucking-hum. I think I’ll go into cold sleep now, like the crew in Alien. Wake me up in twenty years. Or not, if they’re still making this shit.