Image copyright © by Marcus Trahan

Captain Marvel


Once more, once more into the breach, my friends, I charge into the theater in the fading hope that a new superhero movie is worth watching. This one seemed at least a little promising. I really like Bree Larson, and her costume didn’t look like some 13-year-old boy’s fantasy of the girl he would most like to … well, you know. Anyway, though a black superhero is innately more interesting than the run-of-the-mill white guy in spandex (and a big disappointment to me), and a female one is more interesting than a male one (and Wonder Woman crapped out on me), maybe this female named … Captain Marvel? What was that all about?

Well, it turns out both the DC Universe and the Marvel Universe have a Captain Marvel. The DC character is male, and was created in 1939. He’s also known as Shazam! Wiki offers a twisted legal story of how Marvel was able to use the name, and boy did they use it! Wiki lists from seven to 15 different versions, depending on your definition. This movie is about Carol Danvers. Oddly enough, Bree Daniels appeared in the mega-ultra-double-whopper-super-fucking-duper stupid blockbuster Avengers: Endgame, before this, which is her origin story.

I marvel, so to speak, every day about how people can get so deeply into this crap. A lot of people out there really care about the Marvel Universe. Maybe you’re one of them. Odds are good that you are. Well, sorry, I still think it’s crap.

And this is crap, too. Like Wonder Woman, it had a reasonably good start. It’s interesting to see how she became a super human. But soon she was getting into the same old boring fights every other superhero engages in. No need getting into further detail, wasting more of my time writing about this crap. I already wasted enough of my time watching the thing.