The Twilight Saga: New Moon
It’s amazing the dreck you see when you go to a double feature at the drive-in. We’ve sat through some stinkers, but this was the worst yet. If you look at my review of the first one you’ll see I gave it a marginal thumbs up, mostly because it had a slightly new take on the wheezing old vampire trope, and because the idea of being super-powerful and living forever appealed to me. This movie has nothing going for it. Literally nothing. The boy and girl could have been improved on by substituting dressmaker dummies in the roles, but the dummies might not have paused quite so long between every line. It is one of the most boring movies I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen Gerry and Japon. I mentioned that Bella was into bad boys; how much badder can you be than a bloodsucking fiend? Well, I’ll tell you. You can be a werewolf, who now appears as her second boyfriend. What’s in the third book? Zombies or Egyptian mummies? I guarantee you that Bella will fall in love with the hunkiest of either creature, even if she has to pickle the zombie or unwrap the mummy. I stayed to the end of this one for reasons similar to the reason you don’t stop watching a train wreck in the middle. Except a train wreck is interesting. I just had to see if it could keep getting worse. It did. This movie goes directly to my list of Worst Films of All Time, which I’ve got around here somewhere. It’s a short list—I spend a lot more time trying to forget these films than to remember them—but a boring one.