Image copyright © by Marcus Trahan

A Good Day to Die Hard


A very sad and totally unsuccessful attempt to wring the last drops of blood from the filthy used bandages of the previous four Die Hard movies. Every stupid cliché from every bad action movie you have ever seen is here, and worse than ever. Human skin that is impervious to glass, or impact, or anything else. Thousands and thousands of bullets that are always a few feet behind the fleeing heroes. Fire that does not burn anyone, explosions that don’t tear anyone into bloody gobbets and severed limbs. Cars behaving more like helicopter and airplanes than ground vehicles. They may have set a record here for number of parked cars destroyed, not to mention the ones of innocent bystanders that would surely have caused about a hundred fatalities. And that’s just for starters. None of Bruce Willis’s wisecracks work, not a single one. In fact, they are all pathetic. I wished he would just shut the fuck up. Maybe if we all shout together we can make him shut the fuck up, like we brought Tinkerbell back to life in Peter Pan. Are you with me, Mousketeers? “Shut the fuck up, Bruce! Shut the fuck up, Bruce! Shut the fuck up, Bruce!”