Image copyright © by Marcus Trahan

A Ghost Story


The perfect part for Casey Affleck, the most over-rated actor of his generation. Aside from a few minutes at the beginning where he can do his trademark mumbling and whispering, he spends the movie dressed in a white sheet with eyeholes in it, like he should be standing on your front porch, two feet tall, between Luke Skywalker and Snow White, holding out a bag and screaming for goodies. Luckily, he doesn’t scream. He doesn’t even talk! How wonderful! It could be David Letterman under that sheet for all I know, or care. I wish Casey would do more roles like this, so I could happily not see them.

Seriously, folks, this joins my short list of the Worst Movies I’ve Ever Seen That Are Cosmically Overrated, which currently includes the horrific Gerry and the truly awful The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover. And it’s one of those that split the “critics” from the people who actually pay to see this shit. It scores 91% at Metacritic, so I was truly astonished at how many IMDb users rated it a 1 and sincerely wished they could rate it 0, or even minus numbers. I mean, I scrolled down through a dozen screens and only encountered a handful of 8 or above ratings. Analogies used several times in the ratings were watching paint dry and grass grow. I’d go along with those, only it’s worse.

No point in summing up the plot. It’s stupid. It’s boring. It’s frustrating. It’s silly. I was tempted several times to use the good old FF button, like we did with Gerry, but somehow lasted it out. The most remarkable thing in the film, to me, was a long scene where Rooney Mara is sitting on the floor, devouring a pie. This had something to do with how much she missed Casey, I think. But the thing is, she ate at least half the large pie in one long take, no cuts, before running off to the toilet in the background and barfing it all back up. I know it’s possible to stitch several cuts together these days and make it look like one shot, but I’m pretty sure they didn’t do that. I’m pretty sure she ate the whole friggin’ half pie. Jeez, the things people will do for their art. I’d advise you to skip this one, because it ain’t chocolate cream in that pie.